Instagram isn't Real Life

Social media isn’t real. Or is it? In my experience, I’ve noticed that we all value social media in different ways, use it in different ways and experience it in different ways.

Whenever you look into your feed on Instagram, you will see that your Instagram is basically a projection of your own personal reality, the model of reality you use to view the world through (which therefore becomes your world). Whenever you go to the general feed page, you will quickly see what kind of world you live in and what kind of “reality” excites you. What products, organizations, religions, music, artists, leaders, teachers, coaches, fanclubs, communities, recipes, news, plants, animals, programs, podcasts, sports, memes or people are you following? What “food” are you eating (read: watching) every day?

We all value this one “social” tool in different ways, therefore use it in different ways. Whenever I say “Instagram isn’t real life,” I don’t mean that whatever I, you, or somebody else is posting, it isn’t real. No. I actually hope it is real! (Otherwise, why post it?) Yet I’m aware that there is also still another world happening behind this post. When it comes down to people’s “personal posts,” we often assume that another’s real world is exactly and only as they choose to share with us, which might not always be the truth. Does this mean they now are a fake? I don’t think so, unless the post wasn’t real to begin with. 

I’m writing this blog as I felt inspired to remind each of us to not be blinded by the blind spot Instagram can give us about other people, or even our own life sometimes. Just because it all looks so bright and bubbly doesn’t mean life is always bright and bubbly. It’s important to be reminded to not compare your own winter to somebody else’s summer, your building season to somebody else’s fortune, your working season to somebody else’s winning season, or your heartbreak season to somebody else’s honeymoon.

When I speak for myself, I lately started, for example, posting and sharing a bit more of my wins. But does this mean I didn’t have to go through many very different-looking seasons to get there? Of course, I did. Actually, guess what? I indeed didn’t post about the days I was lying defeated in bed, the days I couldn’t stop crying over another loss of life, the many heartbreaks, the brokenness, rejections, audition fails, being broke or jobless, homeless, scared, in pain, dealing with injuries, illness, grief, having disagreements, arguments, (friendship) breakups, no sleep, feeling tired, lost, drained, disrespected or exhausted. Then, the sadness I felt because of the sacrifices I had to make to build this life. The number of weddings, family reunions, baby showers or bachelorettes I had to miss. Dealing with the guilt of feeling like I barely ever am around for my nieces’ and nephews’ little or big wins, my best friends’ kids’ school performances, my mom’s wine and cheese nights, my grandparents’ important doctor appointments or my family's birthday parties. The list goes on… 

I also didn’t post about all the auditions where I messed up or got rejected, which turned into major self-doubt sessions with horrible self-talk moments where I started second guessing every single decision of my life. Not even starting about every single moment of brokenness I went through away from home or any person who could feel like home. The lonely days where I felt like everything broke me or nobody understood me, got me or accepted me and my life choices or “unrealistic” big visions. The days I walked 30 blocks daily as I didn’t have the money for the bus, metro or Uber. The days I danced five classes a day back-to-back, for years and years, simply to become better at my craft. The days I couch surfed for weeks simply so I was able to be in the right cities to find valuable connections which could help me get one step further on my never-ending-artist-visa-immigration-journey. The days I barely slept and truly soldiered my way through all the double shifts which I was working, ’cause how else would I pay for my LA-is-the-most-expensive-city-in-the-world-rent?

I can go on forever but I’m pretty sure you’ve got my point. Yes, every single thing you see on the gram should be real (although this is not always a guarantee). Yet there is another real-life world beside this social media world, which is just as real as the Instagram world: a world which isn’t as fun and bright and easy, a world where we had to fight hard to get to our achievements, desires, promotions, relationships, children, goals, securities, celebrations, anniversaries or healed versions of ourselves.

Yes, I love Instagram. It inspires me so much. It’s one big inspiration field for me, filtered in a way so I only follow people who inspire, guide or interest me. And I hope we all can continue to see this social tool like this, where we can connect with each other or be inspired by each other, and not as a place we go to start comparing or triggering ourselves into self-doubt or feelings of insecurity or unworthiness, not as a tool where insecure bullies feel empowered to say mean things, and not as a place where we suddenly have the balls to start asking for attention in the wrong ways, as we don’t know how to do it in the correct ways.

I hope everyone feels comfortable to continue to use it as this great platform which supports and promotes, most of all, art, creatives, communities and businesses, but also as the place with the most amazing products and most interesting people from our circle or within each personal model of reality. And I also hope we all keep in the back of our minds that Instagram has so far been the most valued and appreciated when we share our highlights, proudest moments, best products, photos or most positive, relatable moments. It’s not a place that shows a lot of our lowest lows of life. So please (one more time for the people in the back), stop comparing your lows to another’s highs and instead keep in mind what the platform mostly represents to or for you. 

Ask yourself… Why am I following these accounts, organizations, and people, and is following these accounts beneficial to me? Are these accounts able to inform, uplift, elevate, inspire, relate or connect me in a way which helps me feel seen, safe, and understood or that expands my current world? Do they help me feel empowered to continue growing my life, my self-worth and my confidence? Do they help me heal or think outside the box? Do they help me become more creative, smarter and open minded? Do they help me feel secure, good, loved, and connected? Are these people and these accounts inspiring me to share more love, art, kindness and braveness with the world?

I’ve never been a person who shares my lows often online. I keep these most times closer to home. A little while ago, I spoke to a friend of mine about one of my lows and his response was: “Accept it, take it, move on and look for happiness, baby.” And I felt this so deeply. I said, “You are so freaking right! Wauw, these words are so dahm powerful.”

Accept it, take it, move on and look for happiness.

I said I would keep these words in my pocket and remind myself of this advice each time life throws another plot twist at me. And I promised myself, the moment I experienced real happiness again, I would share these beautiful words of advice.

So here we are, together with my happy posts. And yes, I will continue to share some of my wins online and offline, just like I hope you do too, as it feels great to see, hear and feel your people win!

May the content you choose to consume inspire you, inform you, heal you, help you vibrate higher, escape toxicity and focus on joy. And, before you know it, you will catch yourself in another moment you proudly share offline or online with your tribe again. 

Why? 

Because you know how hard you worked and how much you have scarified, elevated or healed to create this special moment. Trust me, choosing happiness is just as hard as choosing unhappiness, so don’t you dare ever hold back from sharing your happy moments!

Then, last but not least, do I believe we should share our lows online too? (Cause offline, the answer is a BIG FAT YES!) Absolutely, when you feel the desire to do so, as your story can be someone else’s survival guide. Yet I do believe there is a time and a place for everything. Are you still in the middle of your low? Then I don’t think your live recording of your intense crying, crazy accident or panic attack will inspire many in the moment (but yes, it can relate deeply). That said, I do believe, once you have crawled your way out of the negative hole and then shared your story online, your words will become wisdom to others and will (beside the dark depths of your story) enlighten others too. And how beautiful is that? You now are able to turn your pain into purpose and your fear into freedom. And I truly believe there is no better gift you can give yourself and the world. Choosing to move forward and to be(come) happy in life again, no matter all the shit you went through, is brave and deserves to be shared.

Did you know, your recent suffering has only made you more gorgeous, gentle, relatable and more understanding?

So please,

Say cheese! *click

I’ll see you on the gram! https://www.instagram.com/solangezindzi/