Self-trust leads to Better Balance between Male & Female Energy

Male and female energy were never topics we spoke about often, and now we hear them on the daily.

Are you aware of the male and female energy you carry inside of you?

Have you ever asked yourself towards which side you lean more?

Or from which side you mostly operate?

My masculine energy comes strongly forward whenever I talk about my ambition and drive towards my dreams, desires and goals. My energy is direct, focused, ready to conquer the world. Yet my feminine energy comes forward in my day-to-day life when I make time to let my creativity evolve. I go with the flow and I would consider myself a person with a nurturing personality.

Yet, depending on my feelings of safety, it will be decided which one of them, my masculine or female energy, will take the lead. I have travelled the world by myself and had to leave my comfort zone often, which meant I operated a lot within those moments from my male energy, simply because I had to. I felt ‘unsafe’ and I had to protect myself at all cost at all times. Yet, the way I operate, going with the flow and following my intuition more than anything, shows me how deeply rooted and connected I am to my feminine energy, the moment I feel safe enough to do so.

The problem I often face is that besides the ‘feeling safe’ part, to truly operate from my female energy, I also realize that if we talk about partnerships… I have to fully trust a man and his capability to lead and protect, to be able to make me move away from my male energy, which means I basically need to trust him more than I trust myself. And let me tell you a thing: I trust myself a lot!

I have noticed that not that many people actually truly trust themselves. Trust comes with experience and from daring to face your fears and insecurities, as much as the unknown: the unknown inside of you and what’s around you. If you are a woman who doesn’t fully trust yourself, that could therefore mean that you may feel safer with a man around than you would if you were alone by yourself. The moment you trust a man more than you trust yourself, you will automatically feel pulled to live in your female energy more comfortably than being alone, and therefore the male will embrace more his masculine energy to lead and protect you (which might feel great within a union, but does this then mean you now have to depend on this man all your life for safety?).

For me, I have walked the streets of Harlem in New York City at 6am by myself. I have biked the streets of Los Angeles at 1am by myself. I have wandered the streets of El Salvador by myself, and I traveled across the globe by myself without knowing a single soul or destination. So, I had to learn to trust myself. I had to learn to depend on myself, and therefore I learned to truly count on myself. Nobody would be there to defend me but myself, so of course I had to learn to trust myself. And because of this, life’s experiences made me connect even more deeply with myself and my self-trust and self-confidence. And when I say life has taught me well, I truly mean life has taught me really well how to trust myself.

I have noticed that when a man is around a woman who doesn’t fully trust herself (even if the man doesn’t fully trust himself either but his trust within is ‘bigger’ than within the woman), it will be way easier within their union for the female to trust the male to protect her, as she has more faith in him than herself. There is no judgment in this, but let’s be honest, it makes it way easier for a man to keep his masculine energy up around a woman like this, than for a woman who trusts herself a lot and within many different situations and locations. Yet within a union like I just described, the people can (or should) of course continue their own trust journey even more deeply. In other words, the female can inspire the male to lead them both to their own trust within, yet their starting point was, in my opinion, a lil easier than by a person who had to learn this all on their own.

So, whenever it comes down to a partnership with a man, for me to feel safe enough to let my guard down is totally in the male’s hands and is decided by his masculine energy, which will show me straight away if I can feel safe enough to trust him. Yet, the bar is pretty high, ’cause the moment I feel a second of doubt (within his own being or towards me), his male energy will translate this to me instantly, which means I will be able to pick up on this right away through his energetic vibrations, and I then feel like I won’t be able to 100 percent count on him, which then triggers me into my own protection. 

Also, I believe men can feel that I trust myself a lot, which often also means they can instantly get triggered into their own mirror of how fully they actually trust themselves. And if this is not a certainty within their own being, if they aren’t 100 percent sure they are trusting themselves within any situation to be able and capable to lead, protect or figure it out… I will slowly but surely kill off their male energy without even trying. And I feel this, I feel the doubt within their being, therefore I then get triggered to not feel safe even more, which means I end up putting my guard back up because now I no longer trust them more than I trust myself, which makes me have to count on myself again.

Oftentimes, a man feels my energetic response too, and so I start triggering him even more, because now we both are majorly out of balance. And I believe only the male is capable of getting this dynamic back in order by working on his own courage, confidence and trust within his own being until he no longer feels triggered but instead feels inspired to give off his masculine feelings of safety and security, so the female can receive this and feel safe enough to fully flow from her female energy again. 

I can truly count on less than one hand how many men have made me feel safe (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially), as they will instantly make me vibrate into my female energy, as their masculine energy will be so deeply, confidently, humbly and safely rooted and present. I always knew instantly when I would feel safe enough to truly operate from my female energy, as my gut would simply whisper: “You’re safe, he’s got this.” And then I often notice that I start to feel a lil shy, which then becomes visible in my body language, which I think represents the change of new energy. My female energy starts to feel free to receive, to be open, to be soft, to be relaxed, to follow, to nurture and to embrace the moment, no matter where it takes me. I instantly will feel my feminine energy grow within.

I believe, eventually, this is in the nature of our being and this is what most females want to feel (just like I believe many men want to feel their truest masculinity). I’m not sure, but I believe that even in partnerships from the same sex, there will also always naturally be one person who lives and operates more from their male energy and another who operates more from their female energy, which would mean also within these relationships, it’s important to make sure your female and male energy is balanced out within your union, no matter the sex.

And, if you ask me, I would love to be in a space with a male who I trust to completely lead, a man who makes me feel like he’s got me, a man who I trust with all of my female energy. Yet for me to get there means I have to trust his intellect, his character, his energy, his talents, his tools, his skills, his emotional intelligence, his spiritual connection, his physical being, his financial security and his capability to figure it out in moments of uncertainty to be able to make decisions which will lead and protect me towards safety or joy at all times, a man who makes me feel like I can follow him blindly while having an inner knowing that I will be happy no matter where we end up. And no, I’m not asking for a controlling man, but I’m asking for a man who can be in control, ’cause there is a big difference!

Yet, I believe a man is incapable to do this for me until he works on his trust connection within himself, so he truly trusts himself deeply and enough that it vibrates off his skin. (Just like I worked very hard to get there for myself.) And I don’t think a woman who works on this daily is capable of living from her ultimate female energy around a man (no matter how much we would crave to do so) until this man is vibrating from a space of full trust and love within himself too.

Eventually, as I have experienced, it all comes down to one thing. Am I feeling safe enough to physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and within our privacy and social settings to truly trust you got me? Can I trust and depend on you, like you basically got me more than I got myself? Can I trust that you got yourself too? Can I count on your capability to know you will be able to lead me towards decisions and choices which are in alignment with my being without your ego or traumas being intertwined?

I believe this is possible. Yet, for a woman who really trusts herself in all these areas, this is, in my experience, a tough one to achieve. But, not impossible.

I won’t stop believing and will continue to hope all men on this Earth will stay courageous enough to start their journey of healing towards their self-love, self-worth and self-trust. If only they would know that their healing will have a ripple effect on all the women around them. (And their reward is having a soft, gentle, empowered, vulnerable, nurturing, healthy, healed woman beside them who they can trust is capable to jump in or lead when needed to.) Therefore, I hope all women choose to do the same: work on their self-love, self-worth and self-trust, as I believe too, we women can inspire our men to step it up, by going inwards, through working on our own healing journey too.

I believe courage leads to confidence, and I am confident everybody truly has a deep knowing within their being of truly trusting themselves, and grows each time they decide to be courageous enough by showing up for themselves truly, day in day out, through discomfort, through pain, through trauma, each time you decide to face your deepest insecurities, your deepest fears or your deepest wounds, or by simply giving yourself room and space to show up for yourself. Be honest with yourself, keep your promises to yourself and decide to do what you told yourself to do… ’cause right within those moments, you are building and working towards your relationship with yourself. And the more you dare to challenge yourself in this area, the deeper your (trust) connection will become within your own being. The prouder you are of yourself, the more your self-confidence and self-trust grows.

I believe the deeper your connection is with yourself: the good, the bad, the great, the uncomfortable parts, the shame, the guilt, the frustrations, the triggers, the joy and the depth of your own being, the more you learn to be there for yourself (to be there for your inner child), the more life shows you, you can trust yourself. And I believe the more we as humans trust ourselves to count on ourselves, the more I imagine our male and female energy around the world to be more balanced out.

Clarification: When I talk about men leading, I’m not saying women aren’t capable to lead. I believe women are leaders too, and, depending on the situation, they might even be meant to lead. Yet I believe this should be from a place of female energy instead of fight or flight mode, aka a feeling of unsafety which forced them to lead from their male energy. Because when you listen well to your body, to your intuition, your intuition will lead you from your divine femininity. I believe women should lead (in careers, in life or in their union) from their female strengths always, and never from a place of survival or unsafety. This doesn’t mean they aren’t holding masculine energy; it simply means their male and female energy is balanced out so they are feeling safe enough to be able to lead from their divine femininity.

Also, I think it’s important to know during which situations the force of your masculine energy is helping you reach your goals and during which moments the force of your feminine energy is helping you reach your goals (no matter your sex), and to truly become aware within what moments you are operating from each force, so this continues to be actually beneficial to you and your journey of achieving your beautiful desires (healthy relationships, successful careers, motherhood or fatherhood etc.). Don’t hold back from becoming self-aware or from the ability to self-reflect around this topic, as it truly carries a lot more wisdom than you can imagine.