Sex & The City

Okay, between you and me, I don’t watch a lot of TV, but when I do, I am such a sucker for reality shows. Why? Because watching reality shows feels to me like I’m studying people. (And gosh, people are just so interesting to me!) I observe their choices, behaviors, body language, communication skills and emotional responses. And as much as I know that reality shows are far from real, I do believe that being able to question or study if these people are being truthful (in my eyes), in the moment, is enough entertainment for me and keeps me on my toes. Watching reality shows is very relaxing to me, as my brain can be shut off, yet my EQ (emotional quotient aka my personal emotional intelligence) is still growing.

I have noticed that, over time, there has become less drama and more emotional maturity within these shows (which represents in my world that there has become more emotional maturity within humanity). People are willing to stay truer to themselves and I love it! It shows to me that within humanity we are becoming better people. I see more respect and better communication skills. Emotional maturity is growing, the levels of shame are disappearing or becoming less, as people are willing to be more vulnerable and real. After slip-ups or during insecure moments, people are willing to acknowledge their flaws and mistakes or no longer feel the need to lie, betray or backstab each other, and instead, you see upfront, direct, honest, real, vulnerable, confrontational conversations. (I’m here for it!)

Whenever you catch me watching TV alone, and don’t catch me watching a reality show, the other shows which relax me a lot are most likely Friends or Sex & the City. (I know, I'm old school. I’m also a sucker for detective stories or documentaries, but then I have to use my brain again. And, trying to use it less is lately the goal I have when I do watch TV. Yet, here I am writing a blog about it, so that didn't go so well, I guess, lol. Oops!)

This brings me to my own personal realization I had not too long ago about Sex & the City. I have watched this series since I was a teenager, and, oh, how I loved it. It made me dream big about my romantic life, New York City, being single, being grown up, becoming a woman, my interest for America, traveling, big cities, going out, being adventurous, having a solid group of friends, wondering what kind of men I would meet or be attracted to, lunch dates – who am I kidding – all the dates, and the list goes on. I would wonder if I would be able to relate to any of them and their adventures one day. Also, the question of which one of the girls I believe I related to the most in that moment and just the big fantasies about this whole wide world (which I had no clue about) that existed outside of my own personal world at the time was so cool and interesting to me.

For the people who have no idea what I’m talking about (go watch it, it’s very entertaining!), Carrie, the main character, is a writer of a column and therefore each episode has a question (often about relationships, men, women, sex and love), which, in each episode, she is looking for life’s answer to. Each episode is based around how to find out, fill in or in what way we can find the answers to her questions. Each time the questions get asked, I try to first create my own opinion about these questions, before looking for the answers the episode was guiding us to find. Now looking back, you can say I slowly became obsessed over time with this series because it gave me a combination of education, dreaming big, doing up knowledge, and being entertained, showed me the beauty of friendship and made me so curious about this other, new, grown-up, wild world I wanted to know more about.

During my late teens, Sex & the City helped me start dreaming, just like Friends. I would watch it and would wonder how would it be to just weekly or daily hang out with friends for lunch or dinner (as I was still in school) and talk about your daily life. I wondered how it would feel to have a coffee shop you call your “home,” to be part of an awesome community, or be invited to red carpet parties or places with guest lists, or simply party ’till early mornings (be careful what you wish for! lol). What would it be like to be walking around a park like Central Park or making friends from all different places in the world in such a big city? It made me fantasize about figuring out grown-up stuff and just so much more.  

After finishing watching most of the episodes in my teens… in my twenties, I decided to re-watch again all the seasons (for once in the right order), and I was so inspired! If my teens helped me start dreaming, then my twenties were inspiring me to an even newer and deeper level, as now, I already had a taste of it and wanted to see what other adventures I didn’t want to miss out on. What else was on my bucket list or what questions had I missed that I wanted to find the answer to in real life?

I actually ended up moving to New York City for different periods of time during my twenties, all while continuing to work on my craft, talent and building experiences for life. I feel like my NYC chapter shaped me! It built character, gave me friends for a lifetime, brought me closer to myself, made me experience life to the fullest (the oh so highs and the oh so lower lows), think and live outside of my comfort zone, and it taught me (read “forced me”) to become a tough cookie, aka a big girl. Like they say, if you make it in NYC, you can make it everywhere. I feel and resonate with this deeply, and my friends who I have from that period of life feel the same. I would not have wanted to skip my New York City chapter for anything. This chapter of life and part of my story was so needed, as it helped me build my character into who I believe I was always meant to become.

Then, not so long ago, one of my friends, who is now 35, told me to re-watch Sex & the City again! And, I was like: “Girl, I have binge watched this series twice back and forth before binge watching was even a thing!!” Yet, she convinced me to do it again, as, in her opinion, it would be a completely new experience, as right now, we have become actually the exact age of the people in this series. Therefore, “You’re watching it with completely new eyes,” she said. And let me tell you, it was a whole new experience! As now, for the first time, I was actually the same age as these women. So suddenly, I was no longer triggered to become part of their world (as I already lived it and had made it my own), or be inspired by them, and instead, it became a mirror to my own journey and personal growth and development.

I know I have, since the age of 25, purposely worked very hard on myself, my personal development, my growth and my healing. And now, re-watching these episodes while observing these women, I suddenly realized: yes, I was still majorly entertained but I could no longer relate to all of them. My personal growth had become much more, so that I had not only outgrown my favorite characters but I realized that if they were part of my current life, I probably wouldn’t be friends with them. (All while the younger version of me would only dream of being their friend already!)

Like what? These women who had inspired me over 2 decades now suddenly had become pretty toxic to me (related to their behavior towards mostly men, not to each other). Not all the time, but def many more times than I had noticed, ever. And then it hit me... I have healed and grown (read “became aware” ) so much that even in one of my favorite TV shows from past decades, I have outgrown my favorite TV personalities and characters. As much as I was always subconsciously so in awe of the main character, Carrie, probably because she was also a writer, a single woman living in NYC, the blonde curls, and, I guess, the secret obsession with living on the edge... yet now, I suddenly couldn’t stand her!! She triggered me in every way possible and made me reflect on my life choices and all my past connections. I finally realized I could no longer assume I would have been or stayed friends with her if she was part of my real life, as so many times, she would truly bug me with her choices in life.

How did I go from being so inspired to calling these characters pretty toxic? This was my biggest aha moment! (Thank you, friend, for forcing me to re-watch it!) Within this moment I realized: nothing has changed besides the fact, I have changed. Everything in the episodes stayed the same, except this time, my view and perspective was different. Whenever I felt a trigger come up while watching, I was able to give myself credit, yet realized I had learned this lesson all along and would have responded very differently to what I currently saw on TV.

I think the beauty of learning lessons is that you can’t unlearn the lessons. Once learned, you can’t unlearn them, as your awareness has grown and your consciousness only keeps expanding more and more. Oh, how I love growth! You truly can’t unsee the seen, yet can be so ignorant and unaware when you haven’t created this awareness, in whatever way, yet. It’s mind-blowing to me, how much your view of the world can change, the moment you open your eyes. But, once it’s there, the world will never be viewed the same again – not even through your favorite TV series.

Just because you can’t always see it or get it that early on, doesn’t mean you won’t get there eventually. Sometimes, it truly and simply takes life and its experiences for you to build character traits and experiences so you can become the version of you that you have to become, to receive and attract all your desires of your new level of life. The moment you expand your consciousness, you come to a point of understanding yourself and the world better (and I believe this will never really stop and only continue as long as you live life on this earth consciously and intentionally). Yet, the clearer you see, the better aware you are, the less toxicity you allow and the more power you hold on your own life, as not a lot can unconsciously affect you any longer (which keeps you away from bad or toxic conditioning which no longer serves you, waaaaay quicker). 

To be able to re-watch one of my favorite series in 3 different decades is already a gift, as it means I have been alive for at least 3 decades. (Yup, don’t you dare take this life you’re living for granted.) Also, this series was already way ahead of its time, because to think that I could watch it still now and not feel like I completely stepped into a time machine says a lot about how ahead of their time they were while creating this back then. Up till now, I’m so proud of myself for seeing and recognizing my personal growth, all based on having completely different feelings and experiences while watching these episodes, each new decade, all over again.

I guess you can say: you truly know you did your healing when you realize not much has changed (outside of you)… yet, it ain’t the same anymore or ever again, inside of you. This is why healing is key; it allows you to actually see. 

May this post inspire you to continue your personal journey of growth, or simply to go home and relax while watching some entertaining TV, haha. Whatever you choose, I hope it helps you feel and become a better version of yourself.

Whatever you decide, I’m simply here to give you some food for thought.

The actions following, are yours to choose.

Reality is merely a very persistent illusion. To alter it, you must be just as persistent.